Battle for Meridell or your Insanity
by MeridellKnight
Summary: Battle for Meridell spoof!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Neopets. As much as I think about it, dream about it, and obsess about it, I don't. Adam Powell does. **

_Sharon: Which is ironic, because Adam is my boyfriend's nickname... 0.0_

_Fred: HAH! Yeah, right, Bob wouldn't date you if he was paid!_

_Sharon: Shut up! -thwacks Fred- Now, where we? Oh.. yes... we are going to do a BFM (Battle for Meridell) Spoof. Yeah, I know, no one cares about BFM anymore-_

_Fred: Which is why I think this is a desperate cry for attention._

_Sharon: Eh hem... as I was saying, I CARE about BFM, and I shall now spoof-ify it!_

- - - - - - - - - - -

_Once upon a time, there was a great and mighty kingdom... _

Adam: Named Asparagus World!

_Ahem... ruled by a wise and grumpy king. The kingdom enjoyed peace and prosperity..._

Garin: OMG, what the hell are you saying! That scum just stole my purse! STOP, THEIF!

_And to celebrate their good fortune, the king held tournaments and festivals for the people's enjoyment. _

Aisha Rider: Bwahaha! I shall poke you all with my sharp and pointy stick! Ph34r me!

-Glares from bystanders-

_The kingdom had a champion... who was the greatest hero the kingdom had ever known. _

Jeran: OH, GOD, what the heck are you trying to do, slice off my shoulder? Owww...

Skarl: OH DEAR! Sorry. I just get carried away sometimes...

-Rabid Jeran fangirls chuck asparagus at Skarl-

Skarl: AUGHHH! I SAID I WAS SORRY!

_Within this kingdom lived four friends, who came from another world. Although they'd been strangers, they'd found a place in thwir new world.._

_One got to be a potion maker in the Kingdom's alchemy laboratory..._

Kayla: Woo, mom, look at me! I look just like Edward Elric! I shall now be known as... FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!

_While two got to be squires, serving the kingdom's bravest knights..._

Borris: Does this cape make me look fat?

_...And the last one got her big brother back._

_The kingdom had a neighbor, casting a dark shadow upon the kingdom's walls..._

Voldemort: Ahh... no place like home.

_... and though, in the past, they had been bitter enemies, those times were long past, and peace ruled the day. A peacy signed by a treaty, and sealed with vows.. a peace that would last one thousand years._

Kass: And if you believe that, you're as stupid as that fat king.

Armin: Actually, King Kelpbeard has intelligence points on 21-

Kass: Not Kelpbeard, FOO! SKARL!

Armin: Not, Skarl, foo! Voldemort!

Kass: -shuddergasp- YOU... SAID... THE NAME!

Armin: What, Voldemort?

Kass: -falls on ground clutching heart- FOO!

Armin: Ahhh... -grins-... how about... HILARY DUFF!

Kass: -passes out-

Hannah: -comes in- What? Armin? you killed Kass by yourself? Oh gosh... NOW YOU'RE THE NEW VOLDEMORT!

Voldemort: No, I'M the real Voldemort.

Hannah: No, I'M THE REAL VOLDEMORT!

Armin: NO, YOU MORONS, I AM THE REAL VOLDEMORT!

Voldemort: I AM THE REAL VOLDEMORT BECAUSE I LIKE PURPLE PONIES AND FLUFFY BUNNIES.

-Awkward silence-

Hannah: So.. Armin, is this a good time to tell you I've been cheating on you with Garin?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own Neopets or Battle for Meridell. You should know that by now.**

_A peaceful corn field in the nighttime is disturbed by a grotesque figure crunching on some corn... The old farmer Lupe comes to investigate..._

Farmer: Hello? Anyone there? Who is tha- AUGHH!

Bat thing: HISS! Ph34r meh f00lz!

Farmer: OH GOD! CHATSPEAK! NOOO! -ruuns off screaming in terror-

_Later, two other simple farmers gossip about their friend's story..._

Kougra: Did you hear how he described it?

Quiggle: Yes I did. Don't worry, there's plenty of us and only one of it...

Kougra: I just hope we're not the ones who find it.

Quiggle: I do. I'd like to get my hands on that-

Kougra: pizza with extra cheese, mushrooms, pickles, tofu and whipped cream?

Quiggle: That too- AUGHH!

Bat Thing: HISSS!

Quiggle: OHMGEE! He stole the pizzas with extra cheese, mushrooms, pickles, tofu and whipped cream! GIVE EM BACK, FOO!

Kougra (who has a bit more sense): IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!

Bat Thing: HISS! -flies away-

Quiggle: -sigh- It's amazing what people will do for pizzas with extra cheese, mushrooms, pickles, tofu and whipped cream.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: For the love of Bob, I DONT FRIGGIN OWN NEOPETS!**

_On top of his tower, Kass surveys the Citadel. _

Zafara Double Agent: My lord, the judge and sheriff now swear -insert complex word- to you.

Kass: -scratches name off list- Excellent. He -points to Master Vex's name- will be next, followed by the Meepits, then Voldemort!

Zafara: He will prove difficult to persuade, my Lord Kass.

Kass: Who, Vex or Voldemort?

Zafara: Voldemort refuses fo bow to his Lord Ass.

Kass: Ha ha ha ha... no matter... WHA? THE NAME IS KASS, FOO!

Zafara: Yeah, but if you just remove the K...

Kass: SHUT UP! If he doesn't see things my way, he can spend the rest of his days locked in his own dungeon!

Zafara: As you wish, my lord. As you wish.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: For the love of Billie Joe Armstrong, I DONT FRIGGIN OWN NEOPETS!**

Father Usul: Well whatever has been eating the farmer's corn has stopped. Good thing too.

Mother Usul: That's good to hear. Maybe it went away somewhere, like over to that ass Hagan's kingdom.

Father Usul: Well, some farmers are talking about a drought...

Mother Usul: Well. That was extremely random...

_Meanwhile, the little Usul takes a bite of food then looks up, her glorious plastic surgery shining through._

Sally: Daddy? Mummy? I'm full. Can I bring Fluffy my scraps?

Father Usul: -stares blankly- What Fluffy?

Mother Usul: You know, that Bichon Frise she says is six feet four and resides in the shed mercilessly tearing apart our chickens.

Father Usul: Oh, that harmless little dear... but I'm not sure. You haven't been eating a lot lately.

Mother Usul: Oh, go ahead dear. Just make sure you eat everything Fluffy doesn't.

Sally: Oh, yeah, right, like I'm going to go eat after a pig!

Garin: YOU SHALL DO AS YOUR MOTHER SAYS! -whacks Sally with purse-

Jacques: No, she will do whatever her sexiness wants! -whacks Garin with his purse-

(Garin and Jacques pointlessly struggle on the floor)

Hannah: This promises to be interesting...

Sally: 0.o All right! Good night!

_As Sally approaches the barn..._

Sally: Hello? Hello? I brought you some food. Um... there's chicken and carrots and potatoes and ear of cow. You liked the cow I brought last night, so here's some more. All right. I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

_Sally runs away._

Bat thing: HISSS!

Sally (whispering): Good night, Mr. Scary.

Bat Thing: HISSS! SLUURPP! CHLOP! CHLOP! CHLOP! MOO, MOO, MOO!

**Fin Chapter 4.**

Darigan: Honestly, you would think I would have more manners, being royalty and all.

Amira: -smacks- You? Royalty? As if! It's not like you're some type of hero here, and all...

-Stares from bystanders-

Armin: -shakes head- You really need to read the script more often... hey wait a minute, you're not even ALIVE at this point!

Amira: Neither are you, bucko.

Armin: Oh, yeah, really, well you better get off to your own spoof! Off you go!

Hannah: -comes in with a big cheesy grin on her face- Guess what! I just found... a nickel! It shall be a shiny, and it shall be mine, and it shall be my shiny.

-Stares-

Harry Potter: Off to your own stories, FOOS!

Armin: OHMYGOD, IT'S HARRY PO-

Harry: You don't need to point out the obvious sexiness, man. -admires himself in mirror- Does my hair look messy from this point?

Armim: Uh...

Harry: Well, GO ON! You know you're supposed to be off saving Hannah from that evil, dirty, filthy-

Kanrik: HEY!

Harry: -son of a bludger. See you. -walks off with Amira and Ginny-

-Awkward silence-

Kanrik: -shakes head- I'm telling you, what the lack of hair gel will do to the unwary...

**End Backstage.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: For the love of CHEESE, I don't own Neopets.**

Techo: Give that back, Jedder!

Skieth: No way, loser!

_A nearby blumaroo tapes up Lord Kass posters.._

Voldemort: -shakes head- I have been replaced by an overgrown purple ostrich... WHY ME!

Skeith: OOF! -trips and falls flat on his face-

Techo: FAG! -skips away happily-

Lord Kass's voice: ..a time of peace, a time of prosperity, a time of understanding!

Techo: HEE!

Skeith: That hurt!

Scorchio: SHH! Lord Kass is speaking...

Lord Kass: But there are those that would take our newfound freedom, my friends. Those who would rob it from us.. those who would lead us to another war! IN THE NAME OF SELFISHNESS! IN THE NAME OF GREED! IN THE NAME OF PINK SILK BOXERS! IN THE NAME OF KING SKARL!

_(Random screams from the crowd.)_

"Boo!"

"Hiss!"

"I hate you too!"

"I am your father!"

Lord Kass: Are we going to let him wage war against us again!

Crowd: NO!

Lord Kass: Are we going to let him attack us again?

Crowd: NO!

Lord Kass: Are we going to let him ruin everything we built?

Crowd: NO!

Lord Kass: Are we going to let him steal our old tapes of Star Trek?

Crowd: NOOO!

Lord Kass: Then I ask you, I ask you my people... WHAT SHOULD I DO?

"War!"

"Attack him first!"

"War!"

"Send Indigo breakdancing Meepits!"

"Show him who's boss!"

Lord Kass: The people have spoken, and the will of the people must be obeyed. DEATH TO SKARL!

"Yeah!"

"War it is!"

_Later..._

Kass: No... I'm worthy, I promise...

Kass fangirls: OHMYGOD! IT'S KASS IN BOXERS! -squabbles over who gets to pants him-

_**We don't believe you Kass...**_

_**You just don't show enough ambition.**_

_**Your desire for wealth is lacking.**_

_**This citidel deserves its revenge against that fool, Skarl...**_

Adam: Ooh... -shifty eyes- Big, creepy font... I'm SO scared...

-Adam is knocked out and carried offscreen-

Kass: I will! I'll do anything! Just don't take the power away...

_**If you fail us...**_

_**As Darigan did...**_

_**Your fate will be ten fold.**_

Kass: NOOOOO!

Guard: Is everything all right my lord? I heard a shout.. and someone screaming for their teddy bear Mr. Snuffles...

Kass: No, I'm fine, only a dream, nothing more...

- - - - - - - -

**Behind the scenes with Lord Kass, interview especially by Sharon and Bob.**

Sharon: So.. erm, tell me, Lord Kass, -stares at Bob- how did you feel about the entire... entire... -drooling over Bob-

Bob: She MEANS, how did you feel about the Skarl hatred thing and enslavement by Dark Faeries?

Kass: Oh, it was all right. I mean, I knew the Jedi would come save me soon enough.

Bob: And how did you feel about getting on the set in boxers?

Kass: Oh, it was ok, really. I knew the fangirls would love it, anyway.

-Slight pause-

Sharon: You know, Bob, I wouldn't mind seeing **you** in boxers...

Bob: -glare- You have a one track mind... anyway, Kass, how did you feel taking over Voldmort's place as supreme leader?

Voldemort: YOU FAG! _AVADA KEDAVRA!_

-Lord Kass falls limp-

Bob: -stares- Now what did you do?

Voldemort: -grins- I AM NOW SUPREME LEADER!

Sharon: NO, BOB IS! -puts crudely made crown on Bob's head-

Bob: SHARON, YOU IDIOT-

Voldemort: OPPOSITION! -hurls at Bob-

Sharon: HIIISSSS! -leaps at Voldemort and strangles him on the ground-

Sharon: Bob! -proceeds to make out with Bob-

Bob and Voldemort: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Sharon: Well, it's been a while since I uploaded the last spoof, but here it is! And happy Independence Day everyone!**

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Skarl: OOH! Lookie! A birthday present! (Begins to drool and slobber on piece of paper).

Knight: Uh... sir... you read it.

Skarl: Oh, right. I knew that.

_A gift for King Skarl from the lord and master of Kass citadel. In hopes the peace between our peoples can be maintained. _

Court Dancer: I am at your service your majesty.

Skarl: What? For a birthday present he sends me a harlot!

CD: I'm $120 an hour after the dance, but as far as you know right now, I'm a sexy dancer! (batts eyelashes)

Skarl: A dancer? All right, pretty one, lets see what you can do. Music!

(Dora the Explorer theme begins to play)

Skarl: What! Conductor!

Conductor: What? I love this song! Ah, well...

(Dancing music begins to play as the guests in Skarl's throne room are hypnotized)

Acara: Oooh... swirly.

(CD dances around room pickpocketing everybody's purses)

Skarl: (stares at CD like a drunk as she slips up to his throne) (in a woozy voice) Incredible! You must dance for me every day!

CD: As you wish, my precious little idio - I mean king.

- - - - - - - - - -

**Sharon: To tell the truth, I can't even picture that dancer as being even close to pretty.**

**Garin: To tell the truth, I can't even picture that dancer as being even close to pretty.**

**Sharon: WHAT! (slaps Garin)**

**Garin: (slaps self)**

**Sharon: Hmmm... (stands on head)**

**Garin: (stands on head)**

**Sharon: (silently pulls out tape recorder) I pretend to be a pretty little girl and I love unicorns and ponies and Hilary Duff and putting pink bows in my long, flowing hair!**

**Garin: I'm pretend to be a pretty little girl and I love unicorns and ponies and Hilary Duff and putting pink bows in my long, flowing hair!**

**Sharon: MUAHAHAHAHA! (repeats tape recorder) 'I'm pretend to be a pretty little girl and I love unicorns and ponies and Hilary Duff and putting pink bows in my long, flowing hair!'**

**Hannah: (pops out of nowhere) HA! Is that Garin's voice?**

**Garin: (a little slow) Gaspeth! How did you just get me to say that I love Hilary Duff and I pretend to be a pretty little girl and I love unicorns and ponies and putting bows in my hair?**

**Sharon: Uh... Internet?**

**Garin: Gaspeth again! I might as well tell you all my other secrets... I love My Little Pony and tea parties and dress up and dolls and I have two webbed toes and I have 42 pairs on pink earrings and I have every one of Michael Jackson's CDs!**

**Everyone: 0.o**

**End of chapter 6.**


End file.
